How to Handle Difficult Conversations
Keeping on track a difficult conversation
One of the most challenging aspects of managing a difficult conversation is to keep the discussion on track.
The person you're talking with may not like what you have to say and might try to make the conversation go in a different direction. Very often, that direction may be destructive in nature.
To get a conversation back on track, you reframe the discussion and move it toward a more constructive outcome. So, when the person you're talking with assigns blame, you should reframe what the person says by acknowledging contributions.
When the person claims to be right, you reframe to establish both sides of the story. And when the person makes accusations, you reframe to outline impact and intention.
Reframing Conversations - Strategy 1
Acknowledge contributions
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You acknowledge contributions by admitting that you may have also been partly responsible for the problem that has occurred.
For example, you could say, "Yes, maybe I did contribute to the problem. I think we both have. But let's move past that and try to find a solution."
Reframing Conversations - Strategy 2
Establish both sides of story
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To establish both sides of the story, you ask for the other person's point of view. Then you share your current position with the person.
Here's an example of what you say to do this: "I want to be sure that I fully understand your perspective. You obviously feel strongly about this issue. But I'd also like to share my perspective with you."
Reframing Conversations - Strategy 3
Outline impact and intention
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To outline impact and intention, you explain to the person that you realize how the situation, and your role in it, has affected the person. You then state that it wasn't your intention to make the person feel uneasy.
For example, you could say, "I can see that my decision has upset you. This wasn't my intention. The decision was made for the good of the company."
There are many benefits of being able to reframe a conversation. Your response may have included some of these examples. It will help you to keep the conversation on track and you'll be able to influence the person's
perspective.
If you're able to reframe the conversation, you'll be able to encourage the other person to engage in the conversation in a more collaborative way. And you'll be more likely to achieve a common understanding of the situation.
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Here are 4 guidelines to help you reframe a conversation:
Reframing Conversations - Guideline 1
Listen
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Listening allows you to understand the perspective of the person you're talking with. You can also use listening as a way of showing that you're interested in what the person is saying. This creates a level of empathy that can contribute to the person's willingness to engage with you.
Reframing Conversations - Guideline 2
Extract core ideas
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To extract core ideas, you take the essence of what the other person is saying and repeat it back in a way that will facilitate the conversation. If the person expresses an idea in a negative way, you should try to express the idea in a more positive way.
Reframing Conversations - Guideline 3
Develop relevant concepts
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To develop relevant concepts, you distill what the person is saying into important facts or points. You then repeat these back to the person in a way that will move the conversation toward a successful outcome.
Reframing Conversations - Guideline 4
Be persistent
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It's important that you persist with your implementation of the other guidelines.
Sometimes it will take some time and effort on your part before the other person moves on to a constructive path.
There are many benefits of being able to reframe a conversation.
If you're able to reframe the conversation, you'll be able to encourage the other person to engage in the conversation in a more collaborative way. And you'll be more likely to achieve a common understanding of the situation.